I started the usual weekly questions, but gave up after only a minute or two. Those questions don't seem to deal with the root of how I'm actually feeling at this point. Rather than go through those questions, I will tell you how I really feel (beware: there is a lot of complaining below):
1) Huge. Even turning over on the couch at this point requires careful planning and uncomfortableness. My feet and hands are puffy and tight no matter how much water I drink or how long I put my feet up on the couch.
2) Frustrated. I had a membrane sweep at my 37 week appointment last Tuesday, and I was TOTALLY sure that would give Britton the kick start she needed to get going. It did get the contractions started, and I've had two separate times where Landon and I just knew we were in labor (alas, we have been terribly wrong both times). For some reason, I knew Britton was coming this weekend. I have no clue why I thought this, but I completely had myself convinced. But, here it is, Sunday night and no baby. I haven't even had that many contractions today.
3) Moody. In the last seventy-two hours, I have cried (in all seriousness!) for all of the following reasons:
- I wasn't in actual labor but rather just having contractions that go nowhere.
- Britton was ignoring me (because she was refusing to come out).
- The dog doesn't love me anymore.
- No one else thought it was a great idea for me to pour water on myself and go to the hospital and tell them that my water broke and to take the baby out.
- My dad asked if I was still pregnant and I was snippy with him. So, I cried because I thought I hurt his feelings.
- I don't know. I have started bawling several times for no apparent reason at all.
The worst part is that I KNOW I sound completely ridiculous when I say these things, but, in the moment, my normal, rational, logical self goes off somewhere without the rest of me.
4) Impatient. It is no secret that I hate waiting on things. The idea that I could have days and days or even weeks before my baby arrives is driving me crazy. I want to be un-pregnant, and I want to meet her SO BADLY.
I know all of this will be completely worth it once Britton is here, cuddling with me. I try to keep that in mind above all things when I get worried or frustrated. She will be here soon, and she will be perfect and amazing and healthy and worth every moment of annoyance on my part.
I also have to remember to cut myself a little slack--Britton and I have been together for eight-and-a-half long months at this point, and we have been awesome together. This next step will be tough work for both of us, but I am ready to undertake it. Britton, we are ready when you are, little girl!